Tuesday, November 08, 2005

autumn haiku

Inside this building
autumn is mainly a word
outside it echoes

Amidst hurrying
the sense of futility
at a loss for words
Winter lies ahead
& at her feet spring gazes
outside the tunnel

Here inside the box
of the darkening season
thinking of ribbons

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Inside....Autumn is mainly a word outside its echoes.Beautifully said.

Is the second "??stanza" a Compound Haiku or..?

Mon Nov 07, 08:57:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Traditionally haikus have been very short, lesser than four stanzas and let's keep it that way

Tue Nov 08, 07:13:00 PM PST  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

Anony.:
and -- um -- might one inquire, who exactly are you to so dictate, praytell?

If I'm not mistaken, traditionally, a haiku is a single 3-line verse. (This post happens to show 4 such.) Traditional haiku poets write vast numbers (when collected). Traditionally.

Traditionally, arrogant [ill-informed] proscriptive anonymous dictatorial bromides are deleted with little ado. Still, some of us prefer to break with tradition (at times). Doing so is (traditionally) a blogospheric prerogative (ditto poetic), perhaps.

Traditionally, "less" and "lesser"... well nevermind.

hat-tips for your trouble of making an interesting suggestion (notwithstanding my few 2nd thoughts, as noted)--

cheers, d.i.

Tue Nov 08, 08:24:00 PM PST  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

Fingertree,
thanks as always.
It took me a while to get the sense of your question. (Maybe it was your very question that inspired the historian in Anony., who knows?)

I now realize, what you're asking about is the indentation pattern. I meant this as a visual array of four separate (though "linked") items, not as a form of the 2nd being -- what? -- subserviant to the 1st? The exact (or possible) significance of indentation for a stanza (or poem), is a question I'm ill-equipped to address here & now. But it seems certainly a question.

cheers, d.i.

Tue Nov 08, 08:28:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DRI,

So it is 4 Haikus which look visually like 3 stanzas as Nos 2 and 3 are combined or linked!

Do I get this right?

( A Compound Haiku in fingertree's terminology)!!

Thu Nov 10, 11:05:00 AM PST  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

FTree,
well I regard it as 4 items; the indentation gives some visual variety, a different visual "position".

The eye itself moves left to right as it reads; so the left-right spacial coordinates are part of the reading / absorbing process.

Anyway, conventionally a haiku is merely a single, 3-line poem, period. There are (in Japanese poetics) "linked" forms; but I've not studied this in enough detail (nor recently enough) to filch from it meaningfully. I simply consider this as a small "sequence of 4 little poems." Others (such as you) are at liberty to regard it as you wish!

cheeeeeeerz,
d.i.

Thu Nov 10, 11:28:00 AM PST  

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