maya [rubai 5]
Perplexities' appearances so gently flow
complexity (with clearances) so softly glows
technology projecting worlds through watching eyes
astrology (my-dearances) your ringèd nose
posted by david raphael israel at 3:12 AM
Thursday, November 03, 2005
2 Comments:
"my-dearances"!!!
"Flow" doesn't seem to rhyme perfectly with "glows" (to my ear).
I like these ruba'iyat.
true about flow;
at first I wrote it out
this way: "flow(s)" !
-- but that was way too strained.
If recited, a reader can nuance it a bit, but lightly touching the "s".
In general, it's an imperfect rubai, or a bit less stable; but the experiment with multiple rhyming (among perhaps else) lends it some justification. In earlier periods, I've written larger strings of rubai (and I also re-rendered more than 50 of Khayyam's! -- which was partly how I got into this). In this new phase of rubai-dabble, I'm really playing w/ the multiple-rhyme possibilities. I know (vaguely) this is often done in farsi. Can't say I've seen much like it in English (he says, coughing in his beard).
and yeah, "dearances" might be borderline insufferable. (But then, it's a familiar border.)
cheers,
d.i.
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