Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Under Construction             [ghazal]

The rain falls   as the building is still being built
not yet walls   as the building is still being built

a bird flies   off the concrete ledge   casual urb
cab wheel squalls   as the building is still being built

the clamor   in its timbre proves plangently plain
John Cage calls   as the building is still being built

what eye sees   concrete pipes & a crane in the sky
no drywall   as the building is still being built

no Urdu   & my Farsi is equally nill
hushed footfall   as the building is still being built

heartbroken   in confusion desiring light
love's roll call   as the building is still being built

her beauty   is the rumor of curtain-hid moons
"no equal"   as the building is still being built

Ardeo!   does the ghazalkar-wannabe gaze?
dark dayfall!   as the building is still being built

5 Comments:

Blogger Kandarp said...

except the share, "hear broken...." the rest is a good attempt.

Somehow, accepting Ghazal in a Roman language will take some time and some genious

Wed Feb 22, 03:14:00 PM PST  
Blogger The Wizard of Odd said...

like the image.

Muchly. Very muchly.

Wed Feb 22, 04:55:00 PM PST  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

Kandarp,
thanks for stopping by -- your own blog looks interesting, I look forward to reading from it more. Am surprised by your response to the heartbroken sher -- but perhaps not every reader will be pleased by every sher (to paraphrase Abe Lincoln); I felt that one to be among the better. Perhaps you'll pardon me for a moment of authoririal interpretation here? The poet proposes that all of the requisite basic elements for a poetry of love appear to be assembling themselves (this being the "roll call" of line 2): viz., a broken heart, a sense of confusion, and a desire for clarification and illumination. (That, anyway, is te sort of thought I'd hoped a reader might find in the verse.) [btw, it's poss. you read this as I was still tinkering with it. The "heart broken" in your comment (versues "heartbroken" in finalized poem as now seen) at least makes me wonder.] Yes, writing ghazals in English will take time effort. These are (as the poem proposes) incomplete endeavors as of the present morning.

Wizard,
I like that you like.

d.i.

Thu Feb 23, 08:08:00 AM PST  
Blogger answer-man said...

ps I'm having a little trouble sending comments so if I do it twice please excuse me and I apologize.

Thu Mar 16, 02:42:00 AM PST  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

Answer-man,
this is the only comment of yours I've seen so far -- and so far it hardly qualifies as a comment. I'm sceptical in fact, but time will tell perhaps.

Thu Mar 16, 05:50:00 AM PST  

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