Under Construction [ghazal]
The rain falls as the building is still being built
not yet walls as the building is still being built
a bird flies off the concrete ledge casual urb
cab wheel squalls as the building is still being built
the clamor in its timbre proves plangently plain
John Cage calls as the building is still being built
what eye sees concrete pipes & a crane in the sky
no drywall as the building is still being built
no Urdu & my Farsi is equally nill
hushed footfall as the building is still being built
heartbroken in confusion desiring light
love's roll call as the building is still being built
her beauty is the rumor of curtain-hid moons
"no equal" as the building is still being built
Ardeo! does the ghazalkar-wannabe gaze?
dark dayfall! as the building is still being built
not yet walls as the building is still being built
a bird flies off the concrete ledge casual urb
cab wheel squalls as the building is still being built
the clamor in its timbre proves plangently plain
John Cage calls as the building is still being built
what eye sees concrete pipes & a crane in the sky
no drywall as the building is still being built
no Urdu & my Farsi is equally nill
hushed footfall as the building is still being built
heartbroken in confusion desiring light
love's roll call as the building is still being built
her beauty is the rumor of curtain-hid moons
"no equal" as the building is still being built
Ardeo! does the ghazalkar-wannabe gaze?
dark dayfall! as the building is still being built
posted by david raphael israel at 2:08 PM
4 Comments:
except the share, "hear broken...." the rest is a good attempt.
Somehow, accepting Ghazal in a Roman language will take some time and some genious
like the image.
Muchly. Very muchly.
Kandarp,
thanks for stopping by -- your own blog looks interesting, I look forward to reading from it more. Am surprised by your response to the heartbroken sher -- but perhaps not every reader will be pleased by every sher (to paraphrase Abe Lincoln); I felt that one to be among the better. Perhaps you'll pardon me for a moment of authoririal interpretation here? The poet proposes that all of the requisite basic elements for a poetry of love appear to be assembling themselves (this being the "roll call" of line 2): viz., a broken heart, a sense of confusion, and a desire for clarification and illumination. (That, anyway, is te sort of thought I'd hoped a reader might find in the verse.) [btw, it's poss. you read this as I was still tinkering with it. The "heart broken" in your comment (versues "heartbroken" in finalized poem as now seen) at least makes me wonder.] Yes, writing ghazals in English will take time effort. These are (as the poem proposes) incomplete endeavors as of the present morning.
Wizard,
I like that you like.
d.i.
Answer-man,
this is the only comment of yours I've seen so far -- and so far it hardly qualifies as a comment. I'm sceptical in fact, but time will tell perhaps.
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