Tuesday, February 28, 2006

"Winter's chill"         [bommerang]

Life passed me by   although I still am living
I live amid   the lull of winter's chill
a stinginess   she weaves into her giving
an emptiness   I find no way to fill

nocturnal streetlamps   shine forever brightly
forgotten ballads   talk about forgiving
so many efforts   none of them went rightly
life passed me by   although I still am living

[Composed yesterday while walking & waiting for the 16th Street bus toward midnight; memorized; then typed after arriving home; and revised today.]

This follows the Chinese form; -- note hints of grammatical parallelism in the two central couplets. In strict classical style in Chinese, both couplets show full parallelism.

In English (what with less rudimentary grammar & polysyllabic words), I merely approximate or hint at the principle: e.g. (as here) exhibiting it in initial portions of the lines -- thus:
a stinginess   she weaves
an emptiness   I find     [a perfect example];
or thus:

nocturnal streetlamps   shine
forgotten songs   yet talk     [an imperfect example, due to the word "yet". Ah, but I will change it to "ballads" (2 syllables) to make it a perfect example; so, that's the final revision.]


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