Monday, September 04, 2006

"In Hallmark Cards"       [lyric ditty]

I live and work in Hallmark Cards
Imagine it   Discover it
the Mississippi River's swards
        are not so far away
here one enjoys the best canards
Imagine it   Discover it
the Blues of yore   have come ashore
        the Kansas City way


Following from Ian Keenan's blog; -- the chap is driving across the country (Jersey to Austin), and sends a surprise dispatch from Kansas City [wait, maybe he didn't physically visit; I guess he hasn't yet left Jersey... -- but our tale proceeds] where, he notes, the Halmark offices are nestled in a vast entertainment-center complex, such that "you can live, work, eat, and conduct your social existence all within the headquarters of Hallmark Cards." He further allows,
Here you don’t need to write poems, because Hallmark already has poems for every occasion and emotion! And what verbal contrivance of ironic detachment can rival the stated fact that you live and work in the Hallmark Cards HQ? What purer commentary on the myth of America? But keep the poems coming, folks, please.
Ergo, the above.

the best canards: alluding to The Peppercorn Duck Club ("Award-winning restaurant featuring Rotisserie Duckling") -- included among a handful of fine dining options at the noted locale.

have come ashore: alternatively, one could take the Kansas City Blues Society's Rhythm & Blues Cruise, if preferring not to come ashore.

Ah, but now I note Ian's concluding question (in his own comment on his post), that fairly begs for a more ambitious effort. Viz.,
And is there a Hallmark Eviction Notice?
So . . .

Dear Tenant! life has changes!
    we think you're in a rut!
why not try mountain ranges?
    or some far-distant hut?
the lease is rather hefty?
    admittedly   but look!
at Hallmark Center   thrifty's
    not written in our book

It's sad to leave one's dwelling
    your erstwhile home-sweet-home
but Destiny's compelling
    a journey o'er the loam
we'll greet you at the landing
    and wave discreet bye-byes
don't bother with grandstanding
    true tears are in our eyes

The Management


Blogger andy gricevich said...

I think you should print the latter on a card, preferably with textured pastel lambs on the front.

I'd also like to see a poem about you calibrating yourself out of a paper bag.

Mon Sep 04, 06:21:00 PM PDT  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

grazzie -- taken on advisement


Mon Sep 04, 06:23:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Ian Keenan said...

I await these works in the Hallmark Review put out by Crown University.

Mon Sep 04, 08:47:00 PM PDT  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

I dunno, may be a tough nut to crack. For all I know, such verse may be going out of style even w/ Hallmark. ;-)

Which conjures the prospect of...

The Hallmark Rejection Notice

Your poem proved amusing!
its cadence prim and fine!
We hope it's not confusing
we sadly must decline
to publish such a gem
it far exceeds our ambit
our poets would be shamed
by such a wayward gambit

We'd recommend you seek
a less commercial venue
today the market's bleak
(we know you're no ingenue)
Indeed we quite suppose
your forte might be prose

The Editors

Tue Sep 05, 01:20:00 AM PDT  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

hey -- google also points to Riverboat Casinos. "It may not be what Ike and Tina had in mind, but 'rollin' on the river' aboard one of Kansas City's riverboat casinos is an experience that's sure to float your boat."

Which in turn conjures the prospect of

The Hallmark Dunning Notice

You had a splendid night
but Lady Luck skipped out!
you look a sorry sight
(no need to shake and shout)
We notice how you borrowed
more funds than you can pay
ah gambling life is sorrowed
when luck may slip away!

Don't worry! we've an offer
we think you'll want to nab
we'd hate to see you suffer
(cement shoes are a drag)
You can mind the washing tub
at the Peppercorn Duck Club!

[sign on dotted line for Indentured Servitude]

Tue Sep 05, 01:52:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Ian Keenan said...

I was in Vicksburg, MS on the Mississippi and the tourist info office said 'those places in your book are closed. The only places to eat are on the riverboats' with a expression on her face like, 'yeh they done ruined the town.'

Tue Sep 05, 08:08:00 AM PDT  
Blogger david raphael israel said...

Sad -- I guess gambling is gradually getting more tolerated in the US. What happened to our famous Puritan roots?

Tue Sep 05, 08:20:00 AM PDT  

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