"What would be great is" [sonnet]

What would be great is
if these raindrops   of September
dawdled in lateness
in the land of   I-remember

is the time for the poem ample?
is the slowness   consequential?
does the bore of the sentence sample
mental soil?   ornamental

may weave the lithe lineations
where formally blossom syllables
whose cadance queues the elations
discerned in the tacit decibels

the raindrops plop at leisure
a king can squander treasure



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Responsive to these musings from the Ivy is here blog:

What would be great is if, at the start of writing a poem, time slows down super-slow, like in the middle of an accident when you notice all the details, right down to the song playing on the radio, the line 'I wish they all could be Californian girls' spilling its aria before the car spins out of control, or when you get hyper-aware of yourself, like when you've just realised you lost your wallet again and the red tide of wrongness creeps over your face, to the tips of your ears and sets your hair aflame.

You could write a poem and take as long as you like, then.

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The casual reader of this poem might or might not take note of the formal (prosody) experiment and investigation it presents. One reciting it, and working out its inherent rhythms, is likely to do so; one reading it quickly and silently, less likely. The important point to note is that every line with its paired rhyming line is note merely rhyming at the end; it is rhythmically mirroring that line throughout. That is, the same number of syllables, in the same spoken cadence, is observed IN THE MIRRORING LINES throughout every line of the poem. To belabor the point for a moment: it's obvious enough in

if these raindrops   of September
in the land of   I-remember

-- but might not have been noticed in, say

is the time for the poem ample?
does the bore of the sentence sample

or

may weave the lithe lineations
whose cadance queues the elations

This follows from my exposure to the use of cadence in Urdu poetics [and, distantly-relatedly, to the use of varying but precisely replicated cadences in the important Chinese song-based classical form called ci]. In this present case however (unlike the Urdu practice), I permit the cadence to vary from stanza to stanza. But within each stanza, once it is established by the first pair of lines, the following pair then must mirror it. (And of course, ditto in the final couplet.) I am doubtful that other poets have practiced this with the English sonnet; for it is involves a somewhat precious (perhaps) approach to cadence in poetry that runs generally counter to the ordinary principles and overall esthetics of metrical writing as these have developed and been commonly practiced in recent centuries (even though it amounts simply to a specific training and application of them; [too, I've a hunch this attentiveness may have been more in vogue some 800 years back, say -- but I lack the scholarship to pursue the tangential, speculative point]). I write these idle notes, with little expectation they will come to the attention of anybody to whom they will mean much. But there seems a tiny chance they might. ;-)