Thursday, November 16, 2006

"20-sec shoeshine"       [ghazal]

a short line you seek?
no deep wine you seek?

begone long horizon!
a nano-eglantine you seek

no sprawl of the tall pole-vault
a quill of porcupine you seek

no gambol of the giraffe now
a 20-sec shoeshine you seek

no thousand-page doorstop
a neon's flash-sign you seek

no endless lace of digression
a tie of terse twine you seek

who'd guess Max favors mini?
a micron engine you seek

the diety of fire is
"Ardeo" in Greek

while in Latin "to love" is
a nom-de-plume (mine) you seek

Ardeo's but tuning the strings
when jhala in double-time seek?


Regarding my light ghazal, Search Engine, Max Babi wrote:
This one reads well, d.i.

One small nitpick though -can you rephrase the whole ghazal with slightly shorter lines please?

The lyricism of ghazal shines out like a nova, when it is compact, for instance some of the tersely worded ghazals by Jigar Muradabadi, or even Ghalib at times.

The import does get diluted with longer lines. The profusion of words, distracts the wisdom seeker, as it were.

Pray enlighten this moron with genesis of Ardeo, a nom de plume you have used since long.
The above poem is by way of reply to those remarks.


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